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Real XXXmas Stories


We have all fantasized about getting away with something naughty. Slipping off to the guest bathroom at your friends’ Christmas party. Sharing a little nookie with your nog at the office party.

These fearless couples did just that and more and were happy to share their stories. So sit back, enjoy, take notes even –  you may just want to try a few of these yourself this season!

Why, Mrs. Claus, You Make Me Blush

Each Christmas Eve, my husband and I tuck the kids into bed and then rush around “playing Santa,” arranging gifts and filling stockings, before falling into bed exhausted. Last year, I decided to add a little naughtiness to this nighttime routine, by carrying gifts into the living room wearing nothing but a Santa hat and some strategically placed bows. My husband’s jaw dropped along with the presents he was putting under the tree, as he lunged across the room nearly knocking over the Christmas tree as he playfully tackled me. The kids remarked the next day that they thought they may have heard Santa’s reindeer stomping around, but we assured them they must have been dreaming, while exchanging slightly guilty looks and steamy memories of our late-night Christmas romp.
Evelyn, 36*

If I Were Your Boss, You’d Be Promoted

I dreaded the annual office party. Held downtown at the Ritz, my company always springs for a great event, but it usually ends up with the same people drinking too much, flirting with their supervisors, and creating water cooler fodder for the next three months. Since it is a mandatory event, I go, make my rounds to be seen by all the important people, and escape. Imagine my surprise when halfway through my schmoozing a waiter approached me and handed me an envelope, which held a single room key. Sensing my apprehension, he said, “I am sure that you know the man who asked me to give you this.” Intrigued, I finished up my Happy Holidaying, and headed upstairs to find a suite, filled with champagne, a rose-petal covered bed, and my handsome husband, who had decided to make this year’s office party a LOT less boring for me.
Samantha, 28*

Meet the Parents

The first year I spent Christmas with my husband’s family, we were in college, and after only 6 months of dating, could barely keep our hands off each other for an hour, much less an entire weekend. While his family was kind and welcoming, we were relegated to separate bedrooms, and I got the impression that public displays of affection would be frowned upon. After two days of this, we sat down to dinner on Christmas Eve ready to rip each other’s clothes off and throw down in the middle of the sweet potatoes. I almost gasped aloud as my future husband slipped a note into my lap that said, “Excuse yourself before dessert. Go to guest bathroom. I will come up to check on you.” I did as directed, and check on me he did in the “love nest,” as we still refer to his parents’ guest bathroom. I could hardly contain my laughter as we returned to the dining room, and his mom said, “Oh, sweetheart, do you feel okay? You’re so flushed!” Each year since at Christmas we joke about that first year, when I got a fever at dinner.
Jennifer, 45*

Is That a Lump of Coal in Your Pocket?

Since we’ve had children, my husband and I rarely exchange Christmas gifts, but when we were dating and first married, we did buy gifts for each other and always opened them late at night on Christmas Eve. Last year, as we were arranging the kids’ “Santa” gifts under the tree, my husband said, “There’s one for you that says “Open Immediately Upstairs”. Excited to see what was inside, I raced upstairs and ripped open the package to find a remote controlled vibrating panty set that would have made Old St. Nick blush. Immediately, I put it on and slipped back downstairs and gave Mr. Claus the remote. That was a gift that kept giving… and giving… and giving.
Anna, 29*

*Names have been changed to protect anonymity

Tell us your naughtiest XXXmas story in the comments below!



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